Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I can clearly see myself standing on the school yards of Irving and Crescent Park elementary schools saying those words and doing it with sass. Back then I really thought I threw up a serious shield and believed "those" words didn't hurt me. Today, I realize they did. How about this one "it takes one to know one (giggle)." Or "I know you are but what am I?" Those were weapons back in the day. Tools we as girls used to attempt to block the verbal blows put out by other girls.  We thought we were really doing something back then, standing with our hands on our hips, waving our finger and shouting out the cliches of girlhood games.  I can laugh at it now but I remember how much drama this caused in the cliques of elementary school.

These were real moments in time and unfortunately many women are still scarred by those verbal blows to the spirit. They are real moments today we've just gotten a little more sophisticated about how we do it. Oh yes the mean girl games still exist in 2011 and grown up women are playing hard yet pretending they don't play. Today we use savvy statements like "she's not on my level, she doesn't play big enough, it (she) doesn't resonate with me or  my purpose, and too many to name.  Bet you've heard these and probably said them yourself right? Um...huh...tell the truth.  I've said them many times but with good intention (yeah right, that's what we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better). We are so savvy these days that one of our favorite weapons is to ignore another woman and not say a word.  Yep, we simply act as if she doesn't exist no matter how hard she tries to engage with us.  Different tactic same result.

Today I am more mindful when the urge to speak these words comes up. I stop to think what is the intention or motive behind it. I ask myself  "is there something I am afraid of?" Sometimes an answer comes to mind and other times it doesn't, but I'm still careful to not throw out verbal blows just because I have "the right to speak my mind." So what's up with this type of behavior? Why do we do this?

Have our ego's gotten so big? Do we forget where we really come from? Does it make us feel good? Or are we afraid of something.............I'm going out on a limb to say we just may be afraid.  You see fear is at the root of so many things that you'd be surprised.  When we envy another woman we fear we won't be able to be who she is or have what she has.  When we are jealous of another woman we fear that what she has will make her more popular and we will go un-noticed.  When we fail to acknowledge another woman's success we fear by promoting her her success will rise. When we ignore another woman reaching out to us we fear that our clique friends will wonder why we are hanging out with the no body's.  Oh yes my friend, fear is lurking underneath all these school yard games, believe it. I've felt all of the above and participated in it before and now realize how it de-values who I am and the recipient of those passive and aggressive sticks and stones.

Here's the NAKED truth. When you strip down and take off all the masks, titles and outer adornments your heart pumps like every other woman.  You breathe the same kind of air.  You deal with the same kind of ups and downs in life.  And oh yes when the "guru, expert, in-girl, or superstar" wipes off her makeup and puts on her PJ's she looks just like you.  So ladies...let's keep it real. It doesn't matter if your playing on the big field with bright lights or the school yard, the game is the same. Isn't it time for a new game? The game of integrity and consciousness?

There's a new way to be, to live, to act and show up in the world. Are you ready? Or will you let fear be your game board? To be continued...

Catrice M. Jackson
Fear-Free Living Expert, Speaker & Coach
http://www.theartoffearfreeliving.com
http://www.catriceology.com